When its Over
How do you know when something is over?
Currently I am separated.. Married since 2001..my spouse and I haven't resided in the same space together since 2015.. I never thought I would find myself in a situation where divorce was an option.
I was raised in (NOT A BROKEN HOME, I hate that term) a single-parent household. My father was inactive for most of my childhood. I like most girls yearned to know about him and be in his life. It didn't happen until I was 19 and pregnant with my first daughter. He sent postcards but their wasn't any chance for a connection when I was younger. Mom did her best but no man ever became more then just a family friend. I respect that she did not have a revolving door of men in her life. I am saddened that she did not have someone more permanent.
Fast Forward to me in the throes of married life that was complicated from the start... The decision to end my marriage has never been easy. However as 2018 is here I realized I am in the midst of a slow death from unhappiness and other woes that are self created and projected unto me by my partner. We are imperfect trying to be perfect. We set a tone for how we dealt with one another and just could not turn the tide in our favor in order to improve our situation.
What let me know more than anything that it was over... was watching my children watch me... I see the turmoil that I have experienced with my oldest daughter, but I pray she has a different result. I want my youngest two to see their parents better and happier and doing so apart.
I grieve this failure daily.. I find no solace in being alone with my thoughts on what I should have, and could have done differently.. I only wish to move forward to a happier and peaceful place..
So to answer the question ... " How do you know when something is over?" When you've given it the best effort that you could and to no avail. When you see the red flags and you can no longer pretend they don't exist. When you are no longer hurting yourself but everyone in your life and others who you come in contact with and when life is no longer enjoyable.
GROW WITH ME!
Currently I am separated.. Married since 2001..my spouse and I haven't resided in the same space together since 2015.. I never thought I would find myself in a situation where divorce was an option.
I was raised in (NOT A BROKEN HOME, I hate that term) a single-parent household. My father was inactive for most of my childhood. I like most girls yearned to know about him and be in his life. It didn't happen until I was 19 and pregnant with my first daughter. He sent postcards but their wasn't any chance for a connection when I was younger. Mom did her best but no man ever became more then just a family friend. I respect that she did not have a revolving door of men in her life. I am saddened that she did not have someone more permanent.
Fast Forward to me in the throes of married life that was complicated from the start... The decision to end my marriage has never been easy. However as 2018 is here I realized I am in the midst of a slow death from unhappiness and other woes that are self created and projected unto me by my partner. We are imperfect trying to be perfect. We set a tone for how we dealt with one another and just could not turn the tide in our favor in order to improve our situation.
What let me know more than anything that it was over... was watching my children watch me... I see the turmoil that I have experienced with my oldest daughter, but I pray she has a different result. I want my youngest two to see their parents better and happier and doing so apart.
I grieve this failure daily.. I find no solace in being alone with my thoughts on what I should have, and could have done differently.. I only wish to move forward to a happier and peaceful place..
So to answer the question ... " How do you know when something is over?" When you've given it the best effort that you could and to no avail. When you see the red flags and you can no longer pretend they don't exist. When you are no longer hurting yourself but everyone in your life and others who you come in contact with and when life is no longer enjoyable.
GROW WITH ME!
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