"Co-Parenting After Divorce: When You and Your Ex Just Can’t See Eye to Eye"

 Co-parenting is tough on a good day, but when you and your ex don’t get along, it can feel like an impossible task. Navigating the emotional aftermath of divorce while trying to raise children together is a delicate dance between compromise and setting boundaries. I will share my journey so far (4 years of uncomfortableness). 

In this piece, I’ll share my experiences of trying to co-parent in a high-conflict situation. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s creating a stable, loving environment for your children, no matter what challenges come your way.

---

Leaving felt amazing. The sense of peace you receive after being on the battlefield for however long is exhilarating. It does not last long.... It's a new type of existence...

There are the many issues that you and the ex-deal with. The new path makes everyone uncomfortable and while taking care of yourself you have to look out for your children who's normal is shattered and the new normal, they resent. 

YEAR ONE - For the girls and I this was also Covid year, and they had to deal with a whole new dynamic at both homes. Mom was dating and trying to find herself again. Dad, decided to create a whole new family. A lot of my co-parenting comes with making them happy and comfortable that at times I forget the ex and I need the same feelings. DISCLAIMER- I do not care at times about his feelings, but I try not to cause my daughters to feel as though they have to choose either parent. All I can say in year one was that I had a lot of surprises and therapy was necessary. 

YEAR TWO - Co-Parenting was not improving. Communication was at a standstill with fluctuations of don't text me, just email me, to just don't talk to me at all. It is hard to reason with someone who is convinced you are the enemy and that you are still someone they can talk down too. Yet I kept persevering... why I had to for my daughters. 

HAVING TO STAY SILENT HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE WHEN YOU WANT TO BE AN ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILDREN, NO MATTER THE PERSON!!!

YEAR THREE- Still not ideal and at this point I know that it will never be that way. It will not be cordial. It will never be blended, and I just want to make sure my daughters understand that they need to use their voices. I want to stay out of the drama that occurs at the other place. I don't want to hear about what is said, what is done. It is hard wanting to explode but you can't because what purpose will that serve?

YEAR FOUR - Yes, I am just being brief but know on this day. Communication is cut off and that works for me. Some may not agree with no communication and not being able to find a middle ground. Do you know how hard it is to navigate co-parenting with someone who abused you physically, mentally, and emotionally? Someone who wanted to destroy your character with every breathe. It is challenging and I am surprised that I am sane. There is interference by the current spouse. As co parents please understand your new spouse should have very little contact with your children's mother/father unless an established relationship exists. The crossing of boundaries only intensifies the any discontent. 

Countless videos, numerous conversations, emails from the new spouse and back and forth and back and forth puts my co-parenting at a standstill. I concede and admit defeat. At this point all I can do is pray that God allows me the peace I have so long craved. If having no contact and disconnection brings me that then I am fine with the current outcome. 

What I pray is that my daughters forgive me and that they understand. I pray that they realize I am not perfect and did the very best I could. The way my sanity is attacked I can't allow any more of it to occur so that I am whole for my daughters. 

If you are reading this do not beat yourself up for choosing you sometimes. Just do the best you can. Do not think because your normal does not look like other blended lifestyles that you are messing up (YOU ARE NOT!) Figure out what works for you, I have!